Deciding to be a mother is probably going to be the most daunting and exciting moment in your life, so naturally you will be factoring in so many things; whether it’s your financial capabilities or yours and your husband’s physical and mental commitments to parenthood, it could be your current lifestyle decision of whether you want to travel, work or just simply to spend the first part of your married life baby-free. The list of these factors could go on for ageeees, subhanAllaah, but we must ask ourselves what are our intentions for making these decisions? For whose sake are we doing this for? These for me are critical questions I ask myself through every aspect of my life, as I know and believe everything should be done for the sake of Allaah because it is He, subhanahau wa ta’laa, who is capable of all things, including granting me happiness in this dunya and in the akhira.
Deciding to get pregnant and to be a mother was not as easy as I thought it would be. I’ve wanted it for so long but at the time (and till this very moment) I was still living at my parents, while my husband sought work in Saudi Arabia. It was not the conventional way to start a family and not to mention the travelling to and from the UK and Saudi, however there is a beautiful ayah in the Quran, Surah Hud:6 were I know by this ayah where my dependency should lie, and that is with Allaah subhana w’talaa:
And no (moving) living creature is there on earth that its provision is due from Allaah. And He knows its dwelling place and its deposit (in the uterus, grave etc.). All is in a Clear Book (Al- Lauhal Al-Mahfuz – the book of decrees with Allah)
Another thing I came to understand was that bearing children is a praiseworthy trait that is encouraged by our beloved Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ), as it was narrated by Abu Huraira, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ) said:
“Every prophet was given miracles because of which people believed, but what has been given is divine inspiration which Allaah has revealed to me. So I hope that my followers outnumber the followers of the other prophets on the Day of Resurrection.”
Also, there is a hadith narrated by Abu Dawood (2050), where he narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said,
“I have found a woman who is of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not bear children. Should I marry her?” He said, “No.” Then he came again with the same question and he told him not to marry her. Then he came a third time with the same question and he said: “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.”
There are many hadiths and verses in the Quran as well as sayings from the Salaf that promote and encourage for us to marry and have children. I suppose what I’m saying is to check those intentions. Even if you choose not to have children right away, make sure it’s for the right reasons. I chose babies not only because I was ridiculously broody, but I put my trust in Allaah despite those second thoughts. I knew if I did something for His sake, then He would bless me in it, and subhanAllaah, let’s just say it has been the best decision I have made and all praise is due to Allaah.